Several years ago, the high school where I worked went through NEASC reaccredidation. I chaired the Mission Statement Committee and my wife served on the Steering Committee. One of the recommendations from the NEASC review committee was the implementation of an advisory jadwal in which groups of students were assigned to teachers and met weekly to discuss topical issues. The folks from NEASC cited several studies which show that students with positive extracurricular relationships with at least one teacher perform better, are more likely to stay in school, and are less likely to get into trouble than students who lack such a relationship with a teacher. The faculty actually voted against a formal advisory jadwal because most of the teachers questioned the effectiveness of a system that creates artificial relationships between teachers and students, but NEASC gave the school a demerit for lack of an advisory program, and so one exists now.
In the last few weeks there have been several news stories about teachers having inappropriate relationships with students, three involving sexual relationships and one involving alcohol. Cases like these spring up from time to time that make teachers and the teaching profession look bad, and make teachers reluctant to have relationships with students outside the classroom or beyond the curriculum. Teachers can fear personal questions, chaperoning dances or travel, and certainly physical contact, even something as simple as a hug when a student is crying or has gotten into the college of his or her choice. A fear arises that you might be accused of or even witness to something inappropriate. Better to just avoid any personal contact. If this attitude dominates the profession, then it is no wonder that advisory programs are forced upon schools.
Last weekend my wife and I went out to dinner with two other couples. The others teach fifth grade, sixth grade, high school, and college. One couple was teasing my wife and me because their babysitter was a high school girl we sometimes use, and from there we got to talking about the girl in question. To avoid detail, I’ll just say that her home life is less than ideal. She’s a senior waiting to hear from colleges. She’s already been accepted to one and offered a good financial aid package, but she’d prefer UConn because it would allow her to stay close to home, which would enable her to look out for her four-year-old sister, who’s more like a daughter to her. The girl will be the first in her family to attend college. We’re all concerned for her that family pressure or finances will keep her from attending or finishing college. The other couple mentioned that they were considering having her live with them if it becomes necessary, but they already angered the girl’s mother once by inviting her to a holiday dinner when they found out the girl’s family was not going to get together.
The other couple chimed in to voice their support for the idea. They should know; they have a seventeen-year-old girl from the wife’s school living in their basement. She drives to school with our friend, and provides some childcare in exchange for a safe place to stay. Last year the girl and another girl used to spend a lot of time at our friends’ house in the afternoons and evenings and on weekends, but the home situation has worsened, and so now it’s necessary to live with her teacher on a more permanent basis.
Amy and I, too, have had students live with us. We’re close to several former students who have endured very difficult family situations like divorce, disease, and abuse. Somehow, we collect at risk students, or they find us. They call at all hours or show up at our door or in my office. We loaned one a car for a summer so she could work to save money for school. One year we hired two girls to babysit together, not because we needed two sitters, but to get them out of their homes and give them a chance to spend time with each other and with us, as if they were sisters and we their parents. Certainly we and our two set of friends are not the only teachers who have gone to these lengths.
Recently I got a friend request in facebook from a former student. She had dropped out of school after losing credit her freshman year. Her brother had also been my student, and he’d not only dropped out but wound up in prison. She’s doing all right now. She got her diploma, and now has a four-year-old son and manages a dry cleaning business in Manchester. Her brother, too, got his GED and now is an assistant manager of a motorcycle shop in Manchester. I really liked both kids and fought hard with them and for them to try to keep them in school. The brother I even took rock climbing once. I don’t know what part my efforts played, but I’m glad to hear they both found some stability and success in life.
I don’t know why some teachers abrogate their trust and harm students, or why some educators believe that institutionalized solutions will fix at risk students. I condemn the former and have little faith in the latter. Maybe having students live with us is a big risk, but somewhere between betrayed trust and mandated relationships lie countless students who need teachers to risk being human and humane.
I'd love to hear some of your stories of taking risks for students.
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